Quiet Wins Over Social Media Likes: What Truly Matters
Quiet Wins Over Social Media Likes: What Truly Matters
Recently, I found myself refreshing my Instagram post again. And again.
I knew I shouldn’t. I know the content of my post matters more than the number of people who “like” it. And I know that the people I want to reach; those grappling with tough leadership questions, uncertainty in new roles, or quiet insecurities, don’t always engage publicly.
Still… I kept checking.
This post is about that moment. And many moments like it. Moments when even self-aware, seasoned professionals fall into the trap of seeking validation through likes and views. If I’m being honest, sometimes the algorithm wins. But here’s the truth:
You can still win too by focusing on what truly matters.
Let’s talk about why this happens, what it’s doing to us, and how we can build better habits—especially if you're just starting your leadership journey.
How It Starts: The Pull of the Like
Social media is not neutral. It’s a powerful machine built on engagement. Each like, comment, and share feeds a system designed to keep you scrolling, tapping, refreshing.
And it works.
Why? Because human beings crave affirmation. When you put something into the world—an idea, a photo, a story—you hope someone sees it. When they respond, it feels good. You feel seen.
But when they don’t?
You might feel invisible.
Or worse—unworthy.
The Professional Trap: When Work and Validation Collide
For those of us who use platforms like LinkedIn or Instagram to share professional insights, it can be even trickier. We start off sharing because we want to help others. But slowly, the metrics sneak in.
How many people viewed it?
Why didn’t they like it?
Did I say something wrong?
And just like that, the focus shifts—from value to validation.
This is especially dangerous for new or aspiring leaders. If you're in the early stages of building your career, your self-worth can feel tightly bound to how others perceive you. Social media amplifies this tenfold.
My Personal Example: Knowing Better But Still Doing It
I talk often about hard workplace realities—lack of clarity, loneliness, burnout, ineffective communication, invisible mental loads. These are not topics people typically “like” on a public platform. They message me instead. Privately. Vulnerably.
They say:
“This post hit me hard. I’m in the middle of something like this.”
“I wish my manager would read this.”
“You made me feel less alone today.”
These notes mean the world to me. They remind me why I write.
But despite that… I still find myself checking. Wondering. Falling into the comparison trap.
What’s at Stake: Our Mental Health and Focus
Let’s be real.
If adults like me—decades into our careers—struggle with this, what about students, early-career professionals, or young leaders navigating their first jobs?
Studies show that:
Over 30% of young adults report anxiety tied to social media engagement.
The average person in USA checks their phone 144-205 times a day.
Social media validation triggers the same reward circuits in the brain as sugar or gambling.
It’s not a stretch to say that unchecked, this can affect mental health, self-worth, productivity, and even leadership potential.
What I’ve Learned (and What I Teach Others)
I help young adults and aspiring leaders prioritize their work and time using simple tools. Whether they’re trying to lead a team, communicate with confidence, or just figure out what matters most each day, I remind them that clarity and self-awareness are key.
So when it comes to the like obsession, here’s the tool I use:
The Pause-Reflect-Reframe Framework
1. PAUSE
Catch yourself in the act. Notice when you’re checking likes or refreshing stats. That pause is powerful—it interrupts the cycle.
2. REFLECT
Ask: What am I hoping this like will tell me? Am I looking for validation or feedback? Am I tying my self-worth to a number?
3. REFRAME
Instead of “Did they like it?” ask, “Did it help someone?”
Instead of “How did it perform?” ask, “What did I learn from posting this?”
This shift helps you return to your why—the reason you shared in the first place.
Build Healthier Habits: Try These 3 Practices
Here are the boundaries I’ve built to keep social media useful, not harmful:
1. Create for Impact, Not Likes
Remind yourself who you’re writing for. Imagine their face. Think about what they need. Create to serve, not to be seen.
2. Set a “Check Schedule”
I check analytics once a day—or sometimes only a week later. It helps me notice trends and user interests, not get stuck in the emotional ups and downs of metrics.
3. Celebrate Quiet Wins
Did someone message you privately? Did your post spark a deep conversation with a friend? That’s impact. That’s the win.
What You Can Do: Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are reflection prompts I often give to the people I coach:
What makes me feel validated at work or school?
How often am I seeking public approval vs. private clarity?
What content do I enjoy creating, even if no one responds?
How can I track progress without obsessing over perfection?
Write your answers down. Revisit them often. They will evolve.
Tools That Help
If you’re struggling with prioritizing your time or energy, I can help. I’ve created simple tools to help aspiring leaders:
Identify what matters most (vs. what just feels urgent)
Say no without guilt
Track meaningful progress—not just visible results
Whether you’re managing a small team, starting your first job, or juggling side projects, you don’t have to go it alone.
Reach out if you want a worksheet or idea starter. Email me at [email protected]. I’d love to share a tool that fits you.
If You're Leading Others… Share This Truth
Leaders of all levels: Talk about this openly.
Tell your teams:
It’s okay to care about impact more than impressions.
Not every meaningful thing gets applause.
Your worth is not measured in metrics.
Model it. Speak it. Live it.
Final Thoughts: Let the Algorithm Win Occasionally… But Don’t Let It Lead
I still have moments when I refresh too much. When I wonder if a post fell flat. When I compare myself to someone whose content seems to explode every time.
But I also have more moments of peace now. More intention. More focus on real value—not just visible success.
And that’s a win I’m proud of.
So next time the algorithm wins?
Smile. Step back. And remember—you still can too.
Want help staying focused on what matters?
I help young adults and aspiring leaders prioritize work, time, and energy through simple, customized tools. Reach out for templates, ideas, or just a conversation.
Let’s build impact from the inside out.
