Navigating Body Language in Leadership: Seeking Advice on an Intimidating Gesture

Scenario: "I was recently in a one-on-one meeting with an employee. We were sitting on the same side of the table. I was slightly slouched in my chair with my arms crossed, which is how I sit when I am relaxed. Partway through our conversation, the employee hesitated and then said, 'You are sitting with crossed arms. It’s making me feel intimidated.'

Hearing this, I immediately sat up straight and placed my hands on my lap. I was taken aback and had no words to say. We continued the conversation, and I was grateful they had told me. However, I am puzzled. What was I doing wrong? Is there a rule book for sitting while having a conversation?"

The Power of Body Language: Insights and Advice

Firstly, thank you for sharing your experience. This scenario is a perfect illustration of how our body language can significantly impact our interactions, sometimes in ways we might not realize. Your question touches on a crucial aspect of leadership and communication: the importance of non-verbal cues.

Understanding the Feedback

Body language can often speak louder than words. When your employee mentioned feeling intimidated by your crossed arms, it wasn't necessarily about what you were doing "wrong" but about how your posture was being perceived. Crossed arms can be interpreted as a defensive, closed-off, or even authoritative gesture, which might create a barrier to open communication, even if that wasn't your intention.

Joe Navarro, a body language expert, emphasizes that "crossing one’s arms can signal many different things," and it’s often misunderstood. According to Navarro, crossing arms can be a form of self-comfort, stress relief, or even a sign of serious engagement with a topic. It's essential to consider the context and the relationship between the individuals involved.

Key Points to Consider

1. Awareness of Non-Verbal Cues:

   • Body language accounts for a significant portion of communication. Being aware of the signals you send, even unconsciously, can help you manage how others perceive you.

2. Context Matters:

   • Different situations and relationships require different types of body language. In a leadership position, open and welcoming gestures (like sitting up straight, keeping your hands visible, and making eye contact) can foster a more comfortable and open dialogue.

3. Encouraging Feedback:

   • You've already done something great by being open to feedback. Encouraging an environment where employees feel safe to share their perceptions can help you adjust and improve your communication style.

4. Practice Adaptability:

   • Adjusting your body language based on the feedback you receive can make a big difference. Practicing open postures can help convey that you are approachable and engaged.

Practical Tips for Positive Body Language

• Sit Up Straight: This shows attentiveness and respect.

• Open Posture: Keep your arms uncrossed and hands visible, which can be seen as more welcoming.

• Eye Contact: Maintain appropriate eye contact to show engagement and interest.

• Nod and Smile: Simple gestures like nodding and smiling can reinforce that you are listening and empathetic.

Conclusion

There may not be a definitive rule book for how to sit during a conversation, but understanding and being mindful of your body language can significantly enhance your interactions. Your experience highlights the importance of continuous learning and adaptability in leadership. By being aware of the silent signals we send and ensuring they align with our intentions, we can foster more effective and empathetic communication.

Joe Navarro notes that "when we study nonverbal behavior, we have to consider context, the environment, and all the behaviors we see, not just one." Your openness to feedback is a strong leadership quality, and your willingness to seek advice will undoubtedly help you grow and improve as a leader. Keep fostering an environment of open communication, and your team will benefit greatly from it.